Yeah right like I'm the expert on what's funny! I break half those rules every time I write something. I'm not half as clever as I imagine myself to be.
Although the mainstream press hasn't picked up the story yet, I can assure you that the rumors you've been hearing about frontpage writer Reid "Frolixo" Paskiewicz are true. He stubbed his toe stumbling to the toilet at approximately 3am Saturday morning and has been crying almost nonstop since then. We're praying like hell for his condition to improve but sometimes prayers just aren't enough. If he doesn't pull through, he will be forever remembered as the Clint Howard of the SomethingAwful front page.
His next of kin have asked for readers to email me any poems they may have written about Frolixo. Rhyming verse only. Sonnets appreciated.
We're lighting a candle for you, pal!
You've heard of #BlackLivesMatter and #AllLivesMatter, but the ancient voice of a mountain offers us the hardest truth of all: #NoLivesMatter. And also some opinions about immigrants.
The ISIS head of propaganda holds a brainstorming session with his top men to come up with new viral videos.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!