On the MOOOOOve!
Today's Update

Yeah right like I'm the expert on what's funny! I break half those rules every time I write something. I'm not half as clever as I imagine myself to be.

Frolixo's Condition

Although the mainstream press hasn't picked up the story yet, I can assure you that the rumors you've been hearing about frontpage writer Reid "Frolixo" Paskiewicz are true. He stubbed his toe stumbling to the toilet at approximately 3am Saturday morning and has been crying almost nonstop since then. We're praying like hell for his condition to improve but sometimes prayers just aren't enough. If he doesn't pull through, he will be forever remembered as the Clint Howard of the SomethingAwful front page.

His next of kin have asked for readers to email me any poems they may have written about Frolixo. Rhyming verse only. Sonnets appreciated.

We're lighting a candle for you, pal!

– Seth "Terrorsaurus" Knisley

More Daily Dirt

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.