Zack: You enter the Skeleton's Office. A terrifying space skeleton is seated behind a space desk. There are also space cabinets above him and a space refrigerator next to him.
Steve: Is he busy?
Zack: He seems very busy.
Steve: I sit down and wait for him to be available.
Zack: A day passes.
Steve: I ask him if he's still busy.
Zack: He doesn't reply.
Steve: What is he doing now?
Zack: Sitting motionless in the exact same position as when you entered.
Steve: This guy is a joke. I'm not going to put up with any more of this business. I walk around and I want to see what's on his TV there.
Zack: He is watching skeleton pornography.
Steve: What's happening?
Zack: A skeleton is laying on the ground. There is a basket full of bones on a shelf. Two other skeletons are standing up.Steve: I don't want my donkey to see this and get any ideas. I need to get out of here!
Zack: There's a bathroom across the hall, but you're going to need the Space Skeleton Bathroom Key.
Steve: How do I get that?
Zack: The skeleton gives it to you and reminds you to return it when you're done.
Steve: I take the key, but I don't intend to return it.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.