Steve: What happened? It just ended!
Zack: That's the part I forgot to mention. Expedition to the Barrier Peaks has no ending.
Steve: You mean like it's infinite?
Zack: It's a place for you to go and loot as much game-breaking junk as possible. Ray guns, sporks, telephones, fancy shirts, you name it. If it can ruin your D&D campaign then it can be had in the UFO. There is no story. You can figure out what happened to the space ship and then you can...leave the space ship.
Steve: I'd loot one of those sexy android ladies if she wasn't so crazy about shooting me up with those space drugs. We would make a good couple. My rugged barbarian good looks and her hot nurse swimsuit and robot boobs.
Zack: It's a relationship doomed to fail, my friend. Better to forget about her and move on.
Steve: I didn't mean to hurt her!
Zack: It was just a game.
Steve: Aaaah! Dang it. I forgot to read the paragraph at the beginning about how this is just a game and TSR doesn't endorse paganism and killing robot ladies and I got sucked in and driven half crazy.
Zack: Sorry. I never meant to Mazes and Monsters you.
Steve: It's alright. I can't throw a real person down a sink drain, so the worst that will happen is I get arrested for assaulting the lady who gives flu shots.
Zack: That sounds like a pretty bad scenario.
Steve: Better than what happened last year.
Zack: What happened last year?
Steve: I caught autism.
Zack: Goodbye folks!
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.