Steve: Are you going to sleep in shifts or keep watch?
Zack: Kurt will try to stay awake watching Headbanger's Ball.
Steve: While Kurt is watching MTV, Left Eye is sleeping quietly. In her dream she sees a man with a body composed of green flame. Everything he touches is incinerated, but it's not terrifying, it's beautiful. Like flowers growing everywhere.
Zack: That sounds about right for a dream she would have.
Steve: She hears a voice calling to her, "Lisa, you are chosen. Lisa, you must kill your friends. Lisa, you must set me free."
Zack: Again, plausible Lisa Lopes dream sequence, is a shirtless Tyrese there?
Steve: Yes, along with hundreds of other people, all writhing in green fire that is swallowing up the world. The nations are united in peace and fire.
Zack: Tolstoy, or whatever his name was, is taking this end of the cold war thing a little bit too far.
Steve: Make a sanity roll for Lisa.
Zack: Oh no! Failed.
Steve: She loses 6 sanity and suffers from pyromania for the next month.
Zack: You mean extra pyromania? Enhanced pyromania?
Steve: She will also be weakened against magic from Tulzcha.
Zack: Fortunately, Kurt is our group's warlock. And he is going to make Timothy Shadow pay for what he is doing.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.