Steve: You find references to an entity called Azathoth that holds an inscrutable court in a faraway place.
Zack: Past the LBC? Like San Clemente or some shit? East LA?
Steve: Spaces beyond human understanding.
Zack: Oh, he is East Coast! Why didn't you just say that fool was East Coast?
Steve: He is not East Coast. He lives in space. Anyway, this isn't about him, you see mention of a god dwells with Azathoth as a green ball of flame. Legend says that if this entity comes to earth it will crack open the bedrock and seep into the earth's core and then emerge as a huge jet of green fire, a burning column that cannot be extinguished.
Zack: Oh, now that is definitely not welcome. We are loc'd out down on this planet. Does he have a weakness?
Steve: Weakness? Like Kryptonite?
Zack: Yeah or bullets.
Steve: His weakness, like most cthulhu monsters, is "don't let them get to earth."
Zack: E notes down all this shit to take back to the gang. What is this thing called?
Zack: Oh, sure, that will be easy to work into a lyric. I will give this bald player some rootbeer barrels out of my pocket and be on my way.
Steve: Why does Eazy-E carry around rootbeer barrels?
Zack: You got to have something to distract a shorty while you upstairs wreckin' his mom's butthole.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
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Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.