Zack: He starts stumbling towards the hatch. The light is becoming brighter and brighter, forming shapes and patterns that do not seem possible.
Steve: Hurry up!
Zack: Gags stops. He's staring up at the light as it grows brighter and brighter. I'm not going to tell you what he sees.
Steve: I have a feeling Gags just got his brain melted Lost Ark style. Alright, sorry buddy, but we want to live. We're pulling the tool box out of the vault and getting out of there.
Zack: You can't pull it out. The force of the closing vault door has it wedged against the frame with hundreds of pounds of force.
Steve: Time for the classic Call of Cthulhu maneuver of running like hell. Closing every door behind us we possibly can.
Zack: You run down the long hallways as the light gets brighter and brighter behind you. Gags starts screaming and babbling in a language you can't understand. Betty and Walt run up the stairs and close the doors along the way. You're back in the radio room.
Steve: I feel like we might have just spilled the monkey pox vial or something, but we need to go. We're not hanging around this place anymore.
Zack: "Hello? Can you hear me?" It's a woman's voice over the radio. "Corporal Kubiak, is that you? Can you hear me? Is it too late?"
Steve: Betty can't help instinct. She has to answer the radio. "This is the Devil's Dick. Who is this?"
Zack: "This is Betty Nance. Listen to me very carefully, because I don't have much time. You must not open the hatch beneath this room. Whatever you do, do not open the hatch."
Steve: What the heck???
Zack: NEXXXXXXXXXT TTTTTTIIIIIIIIIMEEEE.
Steve: Next time we'll be back with the winners of the contest too!
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.