Zack: Walt and Gags step inside the main bunker. Wind howls through the open door. The lights are dim, but working. There is American radio equipment piled up just inside the door. Most of it still in crates.
Zack: No response.
Steve: "There are like 500 soldiers outside, so if you want to surrender, do it now."
Zack: After a long silence, a burst of garbled sound blares from a nearby room.
Steve: Check it out.
Zack: You enter a massive room with a radio set more complicated than you have ever seen before. It is evident that someone has tried to destroy it by shooting it with a machine gun, but the Americans here must have repaired it enough to get it working.
Steve: Can Betty use it to radio back to base and tell them to send all of their soldiers up here to kill whatever killed all the other guys?
Zack: You fiddle around with it, but it seems to be low on power or something. It seems to only be receiving and the messages sound strange. Not only are they encoded, they aren't even in a language you have heard before.
Steve: She doesn't get out much. It could be Spanish.
Zack: It's not Spanish.
Zack: While Betty is fiddling around with the radio and Walt is looking nervously around, Gags finds a sheet of paper with a small map scrawled onto it. Looks like somebody recently sketched out a plan of the facility. Probably the Americans.
Steve: Is there are "you are here" arrow?
Zack: No, but it's not too hard to figure out. You're in the room labeled radio room. There is a bunk house and galley in a separate structure and a room beneath this one labeled "hatch" with a question mark behind it.
Steve: Oh, sure. Let's check out the room labeled hatch because nothing could go wrong there.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.