Zack: Look at this fucking thing.
Steve: The flumph is the most infamous monster from Fiend Folio. Everyone hates it.
Zack: If you let the condom go too far past the expiration date the eyes start to sprout.
Steve: He looks sort of like a cross between a Fleshlight and a wind chime.
Zack: He's Flying Spaghetti Monster bullshit.
Steve: It says he's lawful good, but honestly, if I saw a swarm of these things you would have to hold me back from kicking them and hitting them with my sword.
Zack: Get me a firehose and I'd blast those stupid fuckers into the corner of the dungeon like somebody threw a bunch of Chinet plates into a river.
Steve: I just want to know what their blood looks like.
This Week on Something Awful...
Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
SkyMall Product Reviews: Peacock Goddess Sculpture
This is the crown jewel of my erotic lamp collection, and a must-have for any serious pleasure lamp collector.
Convincing People to Buy Mediocre Games, PAINTBALL MAX'D
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Super Bowl Ready TV Sports Graphics!
*Galaxies and stars explode, revealing the Sports Center logo as the center of the new universe.*
Make Sitcoms Worse!
'Sitcoms are so bad that they couldn't GET any worse haha.' 'Whoa buddy you're wrong... dead wrong!'
About This Column
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.
Previous Articles
- Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Monster Manual II (part 2)
- Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Monster Manual II (part 1)
- Rifts: Core Book
- Dungeons & Dragons: Dungeon Module S1 "Tomb of Horrors"
- Dungeons & Dragons: Deities & Demigods (Cthulhu Edition)
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