Zack: "And then it has three mouths with like a million teeth aaaand it has 15 legs and 20 claws with pincers and a stinger, but it's like a mace, and it's actually not a crab at all, it's a tree, but it's also from another dimension and made by these alien dudes."
Steve: Yeah, all those things sound pretty awesome. And the monster looks awesomely weird.
Zack: No, Steve. NO. You pulled this back with the myxysyxxyt whatever that had tentacles and a circle of arms and ram horns on a fish creature. This thing is, apologies to the mentally handicapped, fucking retarded. It's an evil tree turned into a crab with a mace tail.
Steve: Sounds pretty concise to me, although I would say scorpion instead of crab.
Zack: You could call it whatever you want and it's still going to be fucking retarded.
Steve: Where has the child inside you gone? Your whimsy?
Zack: My whimsy died face down in the muck with the rest of my platoon.
Steve: I'm sorry, I didn't know you fought in World War II.
Zack: Thanks to EA. They keep making the games and I'll keep playing them.
It's just a little confusing, is all.
The good news is the republican convention is over. The bad news is if I can escape this police car how do I anull a marriage??
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.