Zack: "And then it has three mouths with like a million teeth aaaand it has 15 legs and 20 claws with pincers and a stinger, but it's like a mace, and it's actually not a crab at all, it's a tree, but it's also from another dimension and made by these alien dudes."
Steve: Yeah, all those things sound pretty awesome. And the monster looks awesomely weird.
Zack: No, Steve. NO. You pulled this back with the myxysyxxyt whatever that had tentacles and a circle of arms and ram horns on a fish creature. This thing is, apologies to the mentally handicapped, fucking retarded. It's an evil tree turned into a crab with a mace tail.
Steve: Sounds pretty concise to me, although I would say scorpion instead of crab.
Zack: You could call it whatever you want and it's still going to be fucking retarded.
Steve: Where has the child inside you gone? Your whimsy?
Zack: My whimsy died face down in the muck with the rest of my platoon.
Steve: I'm sorry, I didn't know you fought in World War II.
Zack: Thanks to EA. They keep making the games and I'll keep playing them.
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.