Zack: Daddy ate my eyes!
Steve: This thing is creepy as heck and there can never be too many floating creatures with tentacles.
Zack: I just want to be honest about what we're dealing with on this one: a monster with a butt for a face that pokes out eyes and then throws them at people as poison eyeball hand grenades.
Steve: I don't know about the eyeball hand grenades. All I know is a monster that goes right for the eyes is pretty scary. Getting maimed in D&D can seriously mess you up unless you've got a good cleric.
Zack: In the land of the blind the farty, eye-stabbing blimp monster is king.
Steve: I wonder if these things are the mortal enemies of beholders. Like if you put one of these in a room and a beholder in a room which one would win.
Zack: I'm betting on the one with a disintegrating eye beam.
Steve: You'd assume, but what if this dude gets to the beholder first? It's all over. It'll spear all its eyes and then shoot exploding eyeballs at the beholder like it stumbled drunk into a batting cage.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.