Zack: Daddy ate my eyes!
Steve: This thing is creepy as heck and there can never be too many floating creatures with tentacles.
Zack: I just want to be honest about what we're dealing with on this one: a monster with a butt for a face that pokes out eyes and then throws them at people as poison eyeball hand grenades.
Steve: I don't know about the eyeball hand grenades. All I know is a monster that goes right for the eyes is pretty scary. Getting maimed in D&D can seriously mess you up unless you've got a good cleric.
Zack: In the land of the blind the farty, eye-stabbing blimp monster is king.
Steve: I wonder if these things are the mortal enemies of beholders. Like if you put one of these in a room and a beholder in a room which one would win.
Zack: I'm betting on the one with a disintegrating eye beam.
Steve: You'd assume, but what if this dude gets to the beholder first? It's all over. It'll spear all its eyes and then shoot exploding eyeballs at the beholder like it stumbled drunk into a batting cage.
The CEO of Lobstero, makers of the expensive home Lobster System, responds to recent unfavorable headlines about hand-squeezing a lobster out of one of the company's Lobster Packs.
Should you call someone a Nazi? The answer will surprise you.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.