Steve: I will die before you convince me this thing isn't totally 100% heavy metal kick ass.
Zack: He does look pretty kickass.
Steve: I know, right? He looks like he could step out of some sinister alcove and punch the brains out of some dude's skull.
Zack: Yeah, he does, too bad looks can be deceiving. You see that text about Zodar not talking? That's because Zodar is a bullshit Dungeon Master tool for making sure the party survives encounters. As you and I both know the purpose of the DM is not to hand-hold and protect the "gaming experience," it's to brutally murder the entire party as diabolically and violently as possible.
Steve: I think I remember that from the intro text in the DMG. Still, I don't care. Zodar looks like a badass, he has badass stats, even the fact that he never says anything is cool. Like a cowboy.
Zack: The Good, the Bad and the Mary Sue.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.