Zack: The best magic cards are the ones that sound like medicines your grandma used to take for dyspepsia.

Steve: I know what you mean. One dude draws on the power of forbidding swamps to conjure a floating skull that can like take control of the minds of orcs or something and then some dude is like "By the power of these islands, give me a bottle of oil."

Zack: "99 cents at the Jewels. I'll get ya ten for five dollars. You don't even gotta tap no islands."

Steve: But that skull dude is gonna be mighty surprised when an elephant skips over some islands and busts out his glowing evil brain.

Steve: Magic isn't Pokemon dude, it's subtle strategies at work. You got to plan ahead.

Zack: It's like chess for obese teenagers and manchildren paying rent to their mothers.

Steve: I do not have to pay rent and I'm only back for like six months tops.

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.