Zack: The best magic cards are the ones that sound like medicines your grandma used to take for dyspepsia.
Steve: I know what you mean. One dude draws on the power of forbidding swamps to conjure a floating skull that can like take control of the minds of orcs or something and then some dude is like "By the power of these islands, give me a bottle of oil."
Zack: "99 cents at the Jewels. I'll get ya ten for five dollars. You don't even gotta tap no islands."
Steve: But that skull dude is gonna be mighty surprised when an elephant skips over some islands and busts out his glowing evil brain.
Steve: Magic isn't Pokemon dude, it's subtle strategies at work. You got to plan ahead.
Zack: It's like chess for obese teenagers and manchildren paying rent to their mothers.
Steve: I do not have to pay rent and I'm only back for like six months tops.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.