Zack: His cigarettes are awesome.
Steve: That's American Spirit, and no cigarettes are awesome.
Zack: Electric cigarettes. Vaping is the new way. I don't go anywhere without my chocolate flavored tech smokes.
Steve: "American Eagle's sight, smell, hearing, and taste have all been raised to Amazing level."
Steve: Does that mean he has no sense of touch?
Zack: You know what they say: he who smelt it also heard it, tasted it, and saw it.
Steve: But he never felt it.
Zack: In the role-playing notes it claims American Eagle has "a deep respect for his people's traditions."
Zack: "We Navaho are a noble people." *dons red, white, and blue Indian suit/bondage gear."
Steve: Just once it would be nice to see a super hero in some dockers. Maybe a pair of jeans or chinos. Enough with the tights.
Zack: Sounds to me like you don't respect the Navaho people's heritage of clinging Spandex and exposed mule-knuckles.
Steve: They call it a maize-knuckle.
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.