Zack: "Uh, yeah, I'll take two family-sized buckets of blue fish-lady. Hold the trident, extra haughty."
Steve: "I only want a half order of purple pants."
Zack: "The menu says it comes with a ridiculously huge crown. Could I supersize that?"
Steve: When she got dressed in her mer-broad room this morning she actually looked in the mirror and said, "Today I feel like purple one-piece, knife straps, and my giant bucket boots."
Zack: Hey, guys, she's single and she has a submarine.
Steve: It says her submarine can duplicate credit cards. That seems awfully suspicious.
Zack: You might even say "fishy."
Steve: Her identity is unknown to the general public. Like pretty much all identities.
Zack: No identity is safe from her counterfeiting submarine. Dive to 300 meters! Start pumping out Mastercards for the LifeLock guy!Steve: "This had better work at the Navaho casino."
Zack: They hand you really respectful foam tomahawk buckets to catch your coins as they fall out of the Chief Pays-Out-To-Coyotes' Heap Wampum slots.
Steve: Or if you want you can just use your giant bucket boots.
Zack: White man win jackpot so big he put house on trail of tears.
Maria Mitchell is shown holding a telescope to each eye, using them to ogle passing hunks on the street below. OOOGA! Her tongue rolls out like a firehose, her eyes comically bulging through the ends of the telescopes.
The Internet experience of 2014 has been condensed into a single article for your convenience.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.