Steve: Hmmmmmmmmmm, He uses a "prisoner's ball-and-chain" as a weapon. I wonder why they stopped using huge metal balls attached to chains in real prisons.
Zack: Too many inmates got stuck in closing doors.
Steve: Damage to stairways.
Zack: Someone might end up pregnant with a cannonball.
Steve: Prisoners don't need giant metal balls and chains for weapons. I saw this show called Lock Up where this guy somehow made a knife in his toilet.
Zack: Yeah, happens to me whenever I hork down the nachos. If you don't chew tortilla chips enough about eight hours later they feel like ninja stars getting blasted out of a shotgun.
Steve: My point is if they were worried about them using ball-and-chains as weapons they shouldn't have bothered banning them if dudes can make knives out of a toilet.
Zack: It's a slippery slope. First they take the punitive morning stars, then they take the toilet knives, and then before you know it we aren't allowed to bring our scoped AR-15s to the Obama rally anymore like is in the Constitution.
Steve: Did I say yet that this guy looks like a cross between a snake and a penis?
Zack: I think I remember that Punnet square from biology class. Cross the Midnight Oil lead singer with a pair of snakeskin pants and three out of four times you end up with Absorbing Man, the super villain best-equipped to deal with large spills.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Today's viral teen news beat, brought to you by Mike from the Internet!
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Doing some reps on the water bottle huh. I prefer bench press myself. Just kidding - stay hydrated.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.