Steve: Hmmmmmmmmmm, He uses a "prisoner's ball-and-chain" as a weapon. I wonder why they stopped using huge metal balls attached to chains in real prisons.
Zack: Too many inmates got stuck in closing doors.
Steve: Damage to stairways.
Zack: Someone might end up pregnant with a cannonball.
Steve: Prisoners don't need giant metal balls and chains for weapons. I saw this show called Lock Up where this guy somehow made a knife in his toilet.
Zack: Yeah, happens to me whenever I hork down the nachos. If you don't chew tortilla chips enough about eight hours later they feel like ninja stars getting blasted out of a shotgun.
Steve: My point is if they were worried about them using ball-and-chains as weapons they shouldn't have bothered banning them if dudes can make knives out of a toilet.
Zack: It's a slippery slope. First they take the punitive morning stars, then they take the toilet knives, and then before you know it we aren't allowed to bring our scoped AR-15s to the Obama rally anymore like is in the Constitution.
Steve: Did I say yet that this guy looks like a cross between a snake and a penis?
Zack: I think I remember that Punnet square from biology class. Cross the Midnight Oil lead singer with a pair of snakeskin pants and three out of four times you end up with Absorbing Man, the super villain best-equipped to deal with large spills.
‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.
Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.
No lifeguard on duty. Maze run at your own risk.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.