Unlikely Evolution, Part II
In the real world there is a type of fungus that controls the minds of ants and forces them to be eaten so that it can spread. That's astonishing and improbable and creepy. These monsters are just downright ridiculous.
Steve: You're really bad at picking these, dude. The Mimic is excellent.
Zack: This isn't about how cool you think a Mimic is, Steve. This is about their ecology.
Steve: What's wrong with their ecology? They live in dungeons and eat adventurers.
Zack: First off, they evolved to resemble chests full of treasure. Secondly, their prey is adventurers.
Steve: First of all, they're magical, duh. And secondly, there are a lot of adventurers in D&D. If you think about their turnover rates while adventuring they've got to be like a third of the population.
Zack: A third? How would there even be any unexplored dungeons or ancient ruins left? Everything would be mapped and looted.
Steve: Two words, bro. Fireball. Trap.
Zack: Alright, alright. But let's stick to the Mimic. Some of them are intelligent and speak languages. What a hellish existence.
Steve: I wonder how a treasure chest mates.
Zack: You ever seen Russian nesting dolls?
Zack: Imagine that, only with treasure chest jizz everywhere. EVERYWHERE.
Steve: I'll take a pass on imagining that.
In a Something Awful exclusive, we reveal the true state of Darren Wilson after his harrowing encounter with Michael Brown.
gee, sun, thanks for life and warmth and light. you totally did it on purpose and aren't just a stupid exploding deathtrap
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.