Unlikely Evolution, Part II

In the real world there is a type of fungus that controls the minds of ants and forces them to be eaten so that it can spread. That's astonishing and improbable and creepy. These monsters are just downright ridiculous.


Steve: You're really bad at picking these, dude. The Mimic is excellent.

Zack: This isn't about how cool you think a Mimic is, Steve. This is about their ecology.

Steve: What's wrong with their ecology? They live in dungeons and eat adventurers.

Zack: First off, they evolved to resemble chests full of treasure. Secondly, their prey is adventurers.

Steve: First of all, they're magical, duh. And secondly, there are a lot of adventurers in D&D. If you think about their turnover rates while adventuring they've got to be like a third of the population.

Zack: A third? How would there even be any unexplored dungeons or ancient ruins left? Everything would be mapped and looted.

Steve: Two words, bro. Fireball. Trap.

Zack: Alright, alright. But let's stick to the Mimic. Some of them are intelligent and speak languages. What a hellish existence.

Steve: I wonder how a treasure chest mates.

Zack: You ever seen Russian nesting dolls?

Steve: Yeah.

Zack: Imagine that, only with treasure chest jizz everywhere. EVERYWHERE.

Steve: I'll take a pass on imagining that.

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Meditations from a Movable Weiner

    Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.

  • BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    BarkWire.com Dog Reviews: The Barquis de Sade & Cleaver

    Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.