Zack: Holy crap, would it ever suck to be one of these things. You spend hours slowly crawling around a cave and climbing up the wall and positioning yourself on the ceiling. Then an adventurer walks underneath you and you drop...and miss.

Steve: Or worse, you hit them, but you don't do much damage.

Zack: Yeah, what then? You've got one shot and then you're pretty much dead. You're a big cone with a mouth and eyes.

Steve: Piercers have always bothered me. If you follow the rules they still take falling damage, so if the ceiling of the cave is too high they could die just from the fall. Like, even if they killed whatever they were aiming for, they could still die.

Zack: My terrible life as a kamikaze ice cream cone.

Steve: And what about a baby piercer? What does that eat?

Zack: Halflings?

Steve: No, I mean really little ones. Like newborn piercers.

Zack: Maybe it falls into bowls of stalactite milk.

Steve: I don't think these are mammals.

Zack: Wait, these things live in caves and you've established that caves are identical to subterranean labyrinths. Could they be owlbears?

Steve: Could you be a butthole?

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.