Steve: The brutalest hoops are those that dunk you, skeleton oaf.
Zack: D&D evolution is a refreshing break from the usual mutation and natural selection cycle. In D&D a crab onion ring just has to float next to the right fish and they'll combine and turn intelligent.
Steve: Isn't that pretty much how it goes in the Bible?
Zack: Hannity 8:16 and lo the jalapeno popper did rub up against an octopus and thus man went out into the world and mastered the grass and tamed the ant and taught the horse to count and the parrot to imitate a doorbell.
Steve: Maybe a meat man one day rubbed up against a skeleton warrior and this was how a human was made.
Zack: Then the next day the human rubbed up against an orc and boom: half-orc.
Steve: I'm 1/16th orc. My great-great-grandmother was an orc. Seriously.
Zack: Steve, orcs are non-real, non-census fantasy species.
Steve: Maybe it was Dutch.
Zack: Possibly Dutch.
He has unlocked the secrets of the universe and seen beyond the mortal plane, yet Doctor Strange can't believe how easy it is to eat an olive.
You can realize that you’ve wasted the last few moments of youth at an occupation you hate or fool yourself into a numb compliance with one of these great excuses.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.