Steve: Alright, I am clearing out of this dump and taking the ruby to the baroness woman of Gulluvia for my reward.
Zack: The baroness is a haughty and cruel woman. She offers you 3,000 gold pieces or she will take the ruby from you with her army.
Steve: I guess I'll take the money and use it to finance a reunion tour. Bring back the ghost band, swing through some skeleton cities, play the classics.
Zack: Unfortunately, Yngwulf Maimsteen dies of old age a few days after selling the ruby.
Steve: It is a fittingly tragic ending for this dark hero. May he take his rightful place among the pantheons of metal. Did he at least gain a level?
Zack: Yes, he made it to the big 4.
Steve: That adventure seemed a little short to me.
Zack: Really? It seemed endless to me. I confess, I might have rearranged the map there at the end to save you navigating a maze full of acolytes and pit traps and go right from the ruby room to Charmander's lair.
Steve: That guy...I tell you what, it was all worth it to put a stop to his molesting.
Zack: Steve, he wasn't actually a molester.
Steve: I had the letters to prove it!
Zack: Goodbye folks!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.