This bedchamber has an eerie appearance. Dust and cobwebs cover everything so thickly that it is nearly impossible to distinguish exactly what furnishings are here.
Steve: I see someone hasn't gotten any business since the first age. Are there any skeleton ladies around?
Zack: No, but you get covered in dust and cobwebs. As you search the room for a bony bride the image of a bearded elf materializes out of the air. He is floating above the bed and he doesn't have any hands or feet.
Steve: Well met, handless sir. I would invite you to jam with me but I see that would be impossible.
Zack: He smiles cruelly and begins to float towards you. It seems as though he's reaching out to grab you, but he has no hands!
Steve: Wail out on my guitar with the lurid strains of Shrieker, O Shriek.
Zack: The violence of your shredding blasts cobwebs and dust everywhere, but the smiling beard man seems undeterred. He's floating right for you!
Steve: Summon a shield of pyrotechnics to protect me!
Zack: Pyros explode, igniting the dusty bed, but he floats right through the maelstrom and hugs you! Only he never connects. He floats right past you!
Steve: What the heck! Security!
Zack: He repeats this several times and then disappears with a haunting laugh.
Steve: Lame. Is there anything worth talking about in this scorched dump?
Zack: The smoke from the burning bed reveals a secret door to you.
Steve: Alright, I'm busting this crap open. I've had just about enough of this entity's monkeyshines.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.