This bedchamber has an eerie appearance. Dust and cobwebs cover everything so thickly that it is nearly impossible to distinguish exactly what furnishings are here.
Steve: I see someone hasn't gotten any business since the first age. Are there any skeleton ladies around?
Zack: No, but you get covered in dust and cobwebs. As you search the room for a bony bride the image of a bearded elf materializes out of the air. He is floating above the bed and he doesn't have any hands or feet.
Steve: Well met, handless sir. I would invite you to jam with me but I see that would be impossible.
Zack: He smiles cruelly and begins to float towards you. It seems as though he's reaching out to grab you, but he has no hands!
Steve: Wail out on my guitar with the lurid strains of Shrieker, O Shriek.
Zack: The violence of your shredding blasts cobwebs and dust everywhere, but the smiling beard man seems undeterred. He's floating right for you!
Steve: Summon a shield of pyrotechnics to protect me!
Zack: Pyros explode, igniting the dusty bed, but he floats right through the maelstrom and hugs you! Only he never connects. He floats right past you!
Steve: What the heck! Security!
Zack: He repeats this several times and then disappears with a haunting laugh.
Steve: Lame. Is there anything worth talking about in this scorched dump?
Zack: The smoke from the burning bed reveals a secret door to you.
Steve: Alright, I'm busting this crap open. I've had just about enough of this entity's monkeyshines.
"Really, Holmes!" I dropped into my seat, shocked. "You are remarkably tall! What are you, six foot six? Six foot eight?"
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.