Zack: Every Special Abilities entry introduces a dozen powers and weapons and stupid, useless details.
Steve: Maybe I should pick a Scarrok. They get two distilled heal spring melons. That sounds good. Is it good?
Zack: I don't know.
Steve: Can you find out? Look in the index.
Zack: Which one. Raven was bragging about there being five of them.
Steve: Is one of them an index to indexes?
Zack: No, but the good news is the indexes appear to be illustrated. I don't see it in the main index.
Steve: It's not in the provisions index under healing.Zack: "Distilled?" No, maybe "Drugs."
Steve: Drugs goes straight from DMSO to Emotion Enhancer.Zack: Wait, I found it, under "Natural Substances." Page 104. It says, "Heals all wounds and most diseases."
Steve: Can I just have the dmso and emotion enhancer?
Zack: Sure. Combine them and you will instantly feel melancholy.
Steve: Sweet. Okay, now what the hell is a Scarrok?
Zack: Look it up yourself, fucker.
Is the world ready for Staind By Me, St@nd By e-Me, and Crank 3: Stand By Me?
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.