Steve: No, not Timothy Bradstreet!

Zack: This is the cover of a totally serious book. I would go so far as to say it's an overly serious book. Like a funeral home's guest book with stats for making monsters out of shadows.

Steve: You know when you press your thumb on the little screen of a calculator and the numbers all fudge up and it leaves an impression of your thumb?

Zack: No.

Steve: Oh, alright.

Zack: Are you saying this guy is a calculator?

Steve: I was talking about his head.

Zack: He's a human calculator.

Steve: Obviously not he's a vampire. But I bet being immortal they are pretty good at math.
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