One Size Fits All Award
Steve: What's wrong with a giant centipede? That's a solid monster.
Zack: I agree. Centipedes are creepy as hell. A giant one makes for a great monster. That's why they included it in the first Monster Manual.
Steve: Ohhhh, yeah, I remember that.
Zack: Yeah, this is some bullshit right here. A "huge" and a "megalo" centipede.
Steve: That's still not so bad. Maybe your group likes fighting centipedes but the giant ones aren't tough enough so you use the megalo ones. Those are bigger, right? I know huge is smaller, but I don't remember megalo on my size chart.
Zack: I'm not sure, but to help you figure things out they have cleverly given you the size for the creatures: Small and Medium. So the huge is small and the megalo centipede is medium.
Steve: How big is the giant centipede?
Steve: So it's the same size as the huge one?
Zack: No, that one is twice as big. One foot long versus six inches.
Steve: So the giant centipede is six inches long?
Zack: The huge centipede is six inches.
Steve: Maybe I'll stick to regular sized centipedes. How big are they?
Zack: Big. There were some huge ones at my old apartment. I saw an enormous bastard climbing up the wall once.
Steve: An enormous one? How big was that?
Zack: Like two or three inches. What's that in D&D sizes?
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.