Modron Hell

D&D's convoluted cosmology was originally discussed in our review of Deities & Demigods. One of the planes of existence within this elaborate multidimensional universe is "Nirvana." Banish images of Heart Shaped Boxes or Buddhist temples. The D&D Monster Manual II hypothesizes a Nirvana populated by a race of ultra-orderly geometric beings known as Modrons. Some of them are spheres with eyes, some are five-faced fire-shooting stalk-walkers, and from there it gets a little weird.

Steve: Are we really going to do this?

Zack: I think we need to discuss Modrons. Nobody ever gives these things the time of day and Monster Manual II devotes several pages to them.

Steve: There's so many of them!

Zack: We don't have to cover every one. And we'll go quickly.

Steve: And I don't have to defend them?

Zack: Do whatever you want, Steve. You defended the dinosaurs.

Steve: Those aren't Modrons.

Zack: No demand for Modrons?

Steve: Let me put it this way. Homer Simpson did the voice for one in that Planescape video game. Remember that?

Zack: Planescape: Torment. Great game.

Steve: Yeah it was alright, I preferred Hillsfar myself.

Zack: No way! Hillsfar wasn't even a game, it was like the interrogation portion of a SERE course in a box. Only with less teleport traps.

Steve: Just kidding.

Zack: You had me going there.

Steve: Eye of the Beholder series was better though, at least one and two. Anyway, Homer Simpson voice guy does a Modron voice in the game and yet still there were no DMs using modrons. We're talking about a hobby where Wizards modeled the new edition of books after online video games. Nobody knew what the heck to do with modrons.

Zack: D'oh!

Steve: Exactly dude. D'oh indeed.

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