D&D's convoluted cosmology was originally discussed in our review of Deities & Demigods. One of the planes of existence within this elaborate multidimensional universe is "Nirvana." Banish images of Heart Shaped Boxes or Buddhist temples. The D&D Monster Manual II hypothesizes a Nirvana populated by a race of ultra-orderly geometric beings known as Modrons. Some of them are spheres with eyes, some are five-faced fire-shooting stalk-walkers, and from there it gets a little weird.
Steve: Are we really going to do this?
Zack: I think we need to discuss Modrons. Nobody ever gives these things the time of day and Monster Manual II devotes several pages to them.
Steve: There's so many of them!
Zack: We don't have to cover every one. And we'll go quickly.
Steve: And I don't have to defend them?
Zack: Do whatever you want, Steve. You defended the dinosaurs.
Steve: Those aren't Modrons.
Zack: No demand for Modrons?
Steve: Let me put it this way. Homer Simpson did the voice for one in that Planescape video game. Remember that?
Zack: Planescape: Torment. Great game.
Steve: Yeah it was alright, I preferred Hillsfar myself.
Zack: No way! Hillsfar wasn't even a game, it was like the interrogation portion of a SERE course in a box. Only with less teleport traps.
Steve: Just kidding.
Zack: You had me going there.
Steve: Eye of the Beholder series was better though, at least one and two. Anyway, Homer Simpson voice guy does a Modron voice in the game and yet still there were no DMs using modrons. We're talking about a hobby where Wizards modeled the new edition of books after online video games. Nobody knew what the heck to do with modrons.
Steve: Exactly dude. D'oh indeed.
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.