Steve: One of the coolest things about old school D&D were the ridiculous numbers under "NO. APPEARING." That's 12d12 Monodrones.
Zack: I remember playing D&D once when we encountered 15 orcs or goblins. It took ten minutes just to figure out the order in which everyone would attack. Imagine encountering 123 of them.
Steve: It should be your first red flag that whoever put this in the Monster Manual never intended for anyone to actually use them in a game.
Zack: Or whoever put the Modrons in the book was an autistic kook obsessed with huge random tables and square roots and rolling dice. Take your pick.
Steve: When you say huge do you mean medium?
Zack: I mean generating data tables that require you to roll three ten-sided dice.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.