The Monster Manual contains dozens of real world animals, everything from swarms of rats to six redundant pages of dinosaurs, and each is assigned statistics and given descriptions of their habits and behavior. Some of these animals are also presented as giants, which are naturally more dangerous. A few giant variety animals inexplicably developed supernatural powers.
Zack: Run, elf-man, run.
Steve: I saw a slug do that.
Zack: Chase a terrified elf?
Steve: It was on a rain gutter. Not the gutter part. The part where the water comes out of the gutter. There was a bird messing with it and I guess it had enough and spit acid.
Steve: Yeah, it turned around and spit out acid and the bird's face dissolved.
Zack: No, this never happened.
Steve: They can do it. Defense mechanism. The slug is afraid of us as we are of him.
Zack: I'm not afraid of a slug.
Steve: Well a giant one. Imagine how much acid that would be.
Zack: Slugs can't spit acid at a person!
Steve: Maybe if it thought you were a bird.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.