Dear Backyard Love:
I am very attracted to one of my coworkers who happens to be married. Just recently he started flirting relentlessly with me and I've found that I really like it. Now we spend all sorts of time at each others desks and find reasons to touch each other (not in sexual ways though). A few days ago, he told me that his wife knows all about me and that she gets a kick out of it. I told him that there's no way he told his wife about me. He said that his wife knows he is only "window shopping" and that he would never hurt her. Whatever. So, I was ready to forget about him since he was only playing around. But then the next day he touched my boob and grabbed my ass! To me, he has crossed the line of safe "window shopping" and has begun to "handle the merchandise." My question is this: what does he want from me? His mixed signals are making me very angry and confused. I want him to know that I would let him fuck my brains out (that's all - no relationship) but I don't want to make an ass out of myself. After all, we have to work together and I don't want to lose either our friendship or our professional relationship. How do I find out his intentions? Please let me know.
Dear Backyard Love:
I have been broken up with my girlfriend for over four months now. We were together for about 8 months, and practically married because we spent every day with each other. Since we have broken up, she does not want to get back into a relationship with me and claims she lost her love for me. I feel heartbroken, but I'm scared to get back into a relationship as well. When we were together, we did fight a lot, but we had a lot of good times together too. I'm always hurt because I have classes with her everyday and I always see her at the same college parties that I go to on the weekends. Guys are always hitting on her, and it kills me to see it. And no matter how hard I try, I can't sleep for many nights at a time and I feel completely lonely, empty and depressed inside. I'm scared too, of being alone. Why do you think that I miss her and can't let go of her? It tears my heart up when I think about her being with anyone else but me. How can I let go? Sometimes I wish I could just move away from here and run away from all of this. I can't let go and I'm scared.
Dear Backyard Love:
Recently a few of my male friends were planning a bachelor party for one of their cohorts. Let me just say up front that I am no prude when it comes to these types of parties; I understand that the normal male bachelor party experience typically involves an expensive dinner, lots of drinking, the smoking of cigars, and a visit to a strip club with absurd amounts of money for lap dances (I also have friends who would rather spend a weekend camping or golfing with their male friends, but I do not condemn the former approach). I was very disturbed to learn that this particular bachelor party was being planned in one of their apartments, and that the pair of female "entertainers" were being brought in not only to put on their show, but to "service" the groom and the best man. Additional services would be provided to others attending as the girls agreed. I was then told that this is par for the course, really quite normal behavior at bachelor parties ("It happens 90% of the time"); the only reason why I had not heard of it happening was because nobody talks about it. Is this true? And why on earth in this day in age, when people are getting married later, with more sexual experience under their belts, would getting oral sex from or having sex with a prostitute right before your wedding be considered "normal" or any less of a violation that to receive the same at any other point in your relationship? Please explain how to make sense of all of this.
Have a question? Send it in to Backyard Love!
Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.
The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'
This ain't your daddy's globe...! .... or is it?!
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.