Dear Penthouse Forum,
It's all coming back to me now. Mulson. General Dong. A busty maid. GRENDEL. Spankings. George Washington's cape. The attempt to assassinate Reagan. And a robot that looks like a loaf of bread.
It all works now. But the only question I have is whether this is the truth, or just another fiction layered onto my subconscious by Noboskov.
1.7 million BC
Homo habilis had something, but he wasn't talking. The one thing I knew for sure was that habilis was after the same thing we were: Hernandez. I just didn't know why.
There was only one way to find out and I was the only man entered in the oil wrestling at the beach bar. My friends at JSOC thought I was stupid, but the SDC would learn soon enough why they call me Gripper.
I had a choice to make. I could break her boobs or leave them for the CIA.
What do you think I picked? I didn't break all those boobs and butts in Operation Desert Shield for nothing.
Oiled in Deep
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.