Epilogue - Cruel Wind of Fate and Skulls of Bone Betwixt the Ephemeral Shadow

The castle was blown to pieces like a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle of a clown in the hands of a toddler.Missy and VanRingking stood at the summit of the nearby Ghost Mountain, which was overwhelmed with evil ghosts and specters but completely free of vampires. The vampire hunter handed Missy the small remote detonator.

"The honor is all yours my dear."

She took it and looked over at the Count's castle one last time. She took a moment to ponder the unanswered questions. Was the Count really evil? Would becoming a vampire and living forever be worse than having AIDS and dying in six months to a year? Why did Doctor VanRingking always wake her up in the morning without any clothes on? Why were all of the pairs of underwear she packed sticky when she got them out of the suitcase? Who really did kill Laura Palmer? I mean, she saw the episode where it was her father, but was he possessed by Bob or what?

"Jesus fuck, give me that back," VanRingking grabbed the detonator back from Missy and depressed the glowing red button.

With a flash the castle disintegrated, the explosion hurling huge chunks of stone battlement hundreds of feet into the sky. The sound of the blast rocked them moments later as the debris began to rain down on the nearby village.

Then he tried to touch her ass again.







OR IS IT?!?!?!

– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Lair Flair!

    Lair Flair!

    Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!

  • SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    SkyMall Product Review: Bark Deterring Ultrasonic Collar

    Works great on my child, who hasn't barked at all for as long as she's worn the apparatus. When she turns three, we will remove it for a trial period.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.