Chapter Three - We Need to Blow Up Every Filthy Towel-Head
The terrorists have tried once too often to take our freedom away, because they hate freedom. I know it's a difficult concept to understand because freedom seems like such a good thing, but you only enjoy freedom because you are an American. If you're not an American then you can't understand how good freedom is so you might as well stop reading now or try to become a citizen of America.As you can see from this survey those filthy towel-heads hate freedom.I hear all this bunkum about "Allah this" and "Koran that" and all of these knock-kneed liberal wimps spouting out how Islam is a religion of peace. If Islam is a religion of peace than my name is Bill Clinton! In the mid-east Islam teaches people to hate freedom, to want to destroy symbols of freedom like the constitution, the President, Sony Trinitrons, and McDonalds' Big Macs. It places no value on human life and therefore its subjects willingly die just so they can attack the freedom that we all love here in America. What these Arabs fail to realize is that the USA is, in fact, number one. In a recent survey conducted by George Washington Constitution Christian University in the filthy Islamic stronghold of Jordan every single person asked said that they hated freedom.
Did you know that Saddam Hussein once had a hundred women shot for not wearing the appropriate color of socks? He's as bad as Hitler, no, he's worse! At least Hitler did some good things for Germany like turning the economy around and kicking France's faggot ass. Saddam Hussein would never kick France's ass, he's too busy buying weapons of mass destruction from the French and using them to kill his own citizens by the thousands. Saddam Hussein is a Triple Hitler at the very least, possibly as bad as a Quadruple Hitler.Just look at them! They are EVIL!I hear the liberals and peaceniks moaning and whining about "oh don't bomb the precious babies of Iraq" and bull pucky like that, but Saddam is hiding his weapons of mass destruction somewhere and when we find them we are going to unleash the might of America on Saddam. The game of hide and seek is over!
Meanwhile you've got Senate Democrats like Tom Dopeschel and Dick Blackhardt telling people that the Iraqi people need hugs and food and not bombs? What is that crap? The whole of the Middle East needs to be turned into a plane of glass with nuclear weapons, we can build some big underground bunker for the Jews in Israel so they don't die from the fallout. The Jews sort of understand what freedom is about, they don't love it, well unless they're Americans, but they know how bad not having freedom can be.
In summary we need to stop letting the UN hold us back with their namby-pamby sissy work and turn these backwards hateful countries into a series of craters.
The first phase of The Olive Garden's cyber rollout will introduce their Neverending Pneumatic Pasta Tube. This works on the same principal as bank drive-thru deposit tubes, but with unfrozen linguini and spaghetti.
Do you remember the crazy clothes and hair of the 1990s? Do you remember Crystal Pepsi and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Do you remember where you hid the box your mother gave you?
It's still okay to like Ben Stiller, guys.
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