Overview: Roughly a year and a half ago I brought the quirky story of "OH! Mikey" to our readers. It was the tale of a family from America who had moved to Japan and had to adjust to the different pace of life in a foreign country. The time has come, at long last, to take a look at the second installment of "OH! Mikey" and once again return to the surreal mannequin world of the Fuccon family. New characters mingle with old characters in the peculiarly immobile way that only the actors of "OH! Mikey" can manage. Be warned, this article contains extremely disturbing imagery of leering mannequins standing motionless. Only the exceptionally stable and well-adjusted should even attempt to read this article.
Last week I brought you the first 6 episodes from the "OH! Mikey 2nd" DVD. This week let's check in on the Fuccons and find out what happens in episodes 7 through 13.
Part 7: "The Wrong Number"Bloodhound Detective Agency, wherever there's trouble we're there on the double, Mr. Bloodhound isn't in.Mikey is "totally psyched" about his big date with his sometimes-girlfriend Emily. He's standing around as mannequins are wont to do when the telephone rings. His mom is occupied with leaning against the counter in the kitchen so Mikey picks up. "I want Miso noodles, dumplings and friend shrimps!" demands Miura from Main Street. She repeats her order to the confused Mikey and then hangs up. Mikey's mom asks who calls and Mikey can only restate his confusion over the phone call. Mother chides Mikey to answer the phone properly and then they all have a good laugh over the understanding.
The phone rings again and Mother is still occupied with holding down the counter and making her perpetual screaming face in the kitchen. Mikey picks up and it's Miura demanding to know why her delivery order has not yet arrived. She screams at Mikey and cuts him low by calling him a "blockhead" and then slamming down her phone. This time when Mother asks who was calling Mikey is able to tell her that it was Miura from Main Street, but he isn't sure what he wanted and Mother finds his inability to perform the simple task of recall "so lame." Mother walks Mikey through the process of correctly answering a phone call and then concedes that maybe she was being a little rough on him. Mikey accepts her apology, but then Mother adds: "But, you screw up once more and I'll never forgive you." Better get it right, Mikey!
The telephone jangles a third time and Mikey is quick to pick up. Almost before Mikey can get a word out Mrs. Miura begins screaming at him. She tells him to forget the order and explains angrily that she will never use their delivery service again. This time Mikey manages to repeat what Mrs. Miura said almost verbatim to Mother. She then explains the concept of a wrong number and tells Mikey that if he gets a wrong number call again he should be sure to get the caller's phone number for "revenge."
"Mom, you're a real bitch, aren't you?" Mikey asks rhetorically and they both have a good laugh.
Part 8: "Mikey in the Mirror"We're through the looking glass here, people!Mikey has had a row with Emily and their relationship is on the skids. Alone in his room, Mikey bemoans the rift that has opened up between them. "How am I gonna make up with her?" Mikey wonders aloud. "Emily's a cold one, isn't she?" The voice is Mikey's yet it is not coming from Mikey. No, it's coming from alternate Mikey who is watching Mikey's emotional crisis through the trans-dimensional portal of the mirror in Mikey's bedroom. Alternate Mikey explains that he is Mikey in a parallel universe and he knows everything there is to know about Emily and her feelings. Alternate Mikey explains that he and the Emily on his side of the mirror are quite the couple and he offers to give regular Mikey some advice on how to mend fences. The pair laughs about the situation as Mother snoops from the doorway. Her constantly open mouth takes on a meaning of horror at seeing her son going insane.
Later that night in bed, Mother and Father discuss the seeming madness of Mikey. Father explains that things are not quite as unusual as they might have seemed, for he and his own father both held long conversations with their reflections. Disassociative disorder apparently runs in the family. Mother and Father have a good laugh about this and then play a creepy game of footsie beneath the sheets.
The next day Mikey converses with his alternate self about the advice he was given. "I lifted up her skirt, like you said, and now she hates me even more." Mikey is distraught, but alternate Mikey offers some even better advice. The next day Mikey returns and confronts his mirror-self once again. "I sneaked up on her while she was dressing, like you told me to." Mikey explains, adding that now Emily hates him more than ever. Alternate Mikey laughs at his subterfuge. He tells Mikey that the alternate world is really the real world and Mikey is just a reflection for him to torment and mock. Mikey refuses to believe him, but alternate Mikey explains that in his world Mother and Father love him very much and everyone gives him whatever he wants. He leaves Mikey with a last laugh. Then alternate Mother and Father burst in on alternate Mikey and scream at him for laughing too loudly and being stupid. Alternate Mikey stands in silence.
Part 9: "The Invitation"The hostesses with the mostesses.Mikey has received a very nicely printed invitation from Laura and Emily to hang out with them in the park. He is very excited to be going, but as he makes his way there he encounters a string of his peers retreating from the park in tears. Not even Clock Boy will tell Mikey what is wrong. Mikey doesn't have time to stand around and wonder what the big deal is, he's got to hurry or he's going to be late. "Sometimes life's tough on a popular guy."
Mikey reaches the park and finds a purring Laura and a chipper Emily decked out in sequined dresses and heavy makeup. Mikey wonders about the dresses, but both girls encourage him to join them in a spirited conversation. "Let's play together" Mikey suggests as an alternative. "Really? Great story!" Laura cries. "Mikey, you're just one smooth-talking lady-killer, you really are!" Emily adds. Mikey is confused but pleased that he is eliciting such a positive response from Laura and Emily. The girls want something to drink and Mikey agrees. Both order expensive sounding drinks and Mikey gets an oolong tea, but wonders who exactly is taking their drink orders.
Emily's older brother appears in a shimmering green jumpsuit with their drink orders. Emily asks Mikey for the rest of the story and Mikey, for his part, has no idea what the hell they're talking about. Both exclaim again over what a great story it is and what a smooth talker Mikey has been. Then Emily's brother reappears and asks if Mikey would like to pay for more time with the girls. Mikey is confused, but Emily's brother demands a hundred dollars to settle the tab. Mikey doesn't have that kind of money, so Emily's brother says that he'll take whatever Mikey has on him. Everyone laughs about this except for Mikey.
Mikey departs in tears. On his way out of the park he encounters Father. Father asks Mikey what is wrong, but Mikey can't say. Father dismisses his tearful son and continues on. He has received an invitation as well and it's hard to be such a popular guy.
Part 10: "The Chill Wind of Structural Reform"These machines actually leave a paper trail.Mother, Father and Mikey are setting around the dining table one fine day. Mikey remarks on how wonderful the world is, but Father declares that it can't be that great with the chill wind of structural reform blowing outside. Mikey is confused so Mother and Father explain that it means corporations have to fire people who are not needed to stay in business. Mikey has a great idea: since people are being laid off outside they should hold their own layoffs in the family.
It is agreed that someone has to go to save money. Father says that it can't be him since he pays the mortgage. Mother says that she can get a job arranging flower, so Father really isn't as necessary. Mikey says he will be happy with either parent as long as he doesn't have to eat Father's cooking. Since no decision can be reached through discussion, Father suggests holding a vote to see who has to leave. Each Fuccon family member writes the name of the person they would most like to see go on a slip of paper. Father reads them out. One vote for…Dad. One vote for…Mikey. One vote for…Mother! It's a three-way tie and no one has to leave. A laugh is shared by all.
Later, Father is alone at the table. Unbeknownst to Mother and Mikey, Father rigged the vote to protect himself from being downsized. The real votes were for Father, Father and "Mom & Mikey" and that adds up to a ticket out of the house.
Part 11: "The Lady Tutor"True pleasure is an origami frog.Mother announces that because of Mikey's failing grades she has hired a tutor for the little sprite. Father knew nothing about it and both he and Mikey are curious about what sort of teacher Mother has hired for them. Mother doesn't know a lot about the teacher except that he is a she. Father declares that nothing is better than being tutored by a sweet and pretty woman. Mother doesn't like this, but they all manage to get in a laugh before the doorbell rings.
The door opens to reveal a corpse-like beauty in a revealing miniskirt outfit. Much to Mother's chagrin, Father is immediately flattering her and being super-polite. Mother hustles Mikey and the tutor upstairs, but both she and Father have some second thoughts about the arrangement when they hear laughter coming from Mikey's bedroom. Inside the tutor encourages Mikey to study and then moans orgasmically and discovers a run in her pantyhose. She tells Mikey to focus on his studies and then moans again and realizes that buttons are bursting on her skirt. Mikey is stunned. She tells him to keep working and then moans once again. Mikey tries to pay attention to his schoolwork, but the tutor declares it to be very hot and opens her blouse.
Back outside Mikey's room Mother and Father resolve to put a stop to the debauchery. They burst in and demand to know what all the laughing is about. Mikey explains that the tutor was teaching him origami and she showed him how to make an origami frog. It was all in their imagination, after all! Despite some innuendo from Father, all is well and a laugh is shared by the group.
Part 12: "Rags to Riches"I would say "there's something you don't see every day," but pretty much nothing in "OH! Mikey" occurs outside of "OH! Mikey".Mikey is unceremoniously kicked out of the house for spending all of his money on comic books and videogames. It should be noted that Mikey has mysterious bandages on his chin and neck. Mikey is so clumsy, always falling down the stairs when Father gets angry. Destitute, alone and rudderless, Mikey wanders the neighborhood. He finds a piece of straw on the ground just as Clock Boy approaches and bemoans the broken lace on his shoe. Mikey offers him the straw and tells Clock Boy that he can lace up with that. Clock Boy is overjoyed and out of gratitude he gives Mikey his umbrella.
Just then it starts raining and the sudden downpour has caught Laura and her ice cream cone flat-footed. Mikey offers her shelter under the umbrella. Laura is overwhelmed by the kind offer and declares that she is falling in love with Mikey all over again. Out of gratitude she gives Mikey her half-melted ice cream cone. Mikey isn't particularly happy to have it, but the rain quickly subsides. Just then Mikey spots a man in a blue velure costume with a foppish cravat complaining that his car has overheated. If only he had something to cool the engine down with. Mikey swings into action and offers the lavender dandy his ice cream cone.
The man gratefully accepts the ice cream and it cools his car down enough to get it started. He offers to repay Mikey's kindness, but Mikey is too generous to accept any sort of repayment. The man is so impressed by Mikey's helpfulness that he declares that he wants Mikey to be his son. He explains that he is the Blueberry King of the Blueberry Kingdom and he needs a son. Mikey is hesitant, but gives in when the man offers to buy every comic and video game making company for Mikey. The man gives Mikey a ride home. Mikey's parents are apoplectic when they learn that Mikey intends to be the heir to the Blueberry throne, but the Blueberry King smoothes things over with an offer of cash. Much to Mikey's chagrin his parents are willing to sell him to the Blueberry King almost immediately.
Part 13: "Super Princess Isabella"wellcum 2 mah realmMother reads a telegram for Mikey at the breakfast table. The Blueberry King is sending his daughter to wed Mikey so that he can become the Prince of the Blueberry Kingdom. Mother rejects the idea on principle and Father rejects the idea because he feels it's unfair for Mikey to become a prince while he can't. Any further discussion is put to a halt by the ding-dong of the doorbell.
Isabella, the princess, arrives in a frilly and garish pink costume. In addition to looking suspiciously like Kimmy Gibbler from "Full House" she also is quite the surly tot, complaining particularly about Mother's manners. She is, however, very nice to Mikey and offers to whisk him away. Mikey's parents demand to know where Isabella is taking their only son. Mikey, who is roughly half of Isabella's height, wants to know where they are going as well. Isabella explains that they are going to the Blueberry Kingdom where she and Mikey will be happily married. Mikey is happy, but Mikey's parents object. Isabella explains that they can come only if they come as Mikey's servants.
This prompts outrage. Father is particularly incensed by the idea of being his son's servant. Isabella explains that the salary for a servant is 100,000 dollars a month and Father and Mother instantly have their bags packed and coats on. They implore Mikey to hurry and join them as they journey off to the Blueberry Kingdom.
Quite the cliffhanger! Will the next DVD find Mikey living a new life of wedded bliss in the Blueberry Kingdom? Will a lifetime of servitude chafe for his domineering parents? Will one of them finally move onscreen? These questions will no doubt be answered by the 3rd "OH! Mikey" DVD, but that is another subject for another time.
If you're interested in seeing "OH! Mikey" for yourself, you can purchase the Region 2 DVD from Jlist.com. Word on the street is that there may be a Region 1 version available soon, so keep your eyes peeled.
Finally: an advice column for the rest of us! (Who seek to enslave humanity.)
Even the most fervent gun control advocate would admit that guns kill people, not other guns. We must become the guns we wish to see in the world.
A Goon outs himself as a wizard and gets a warm reception from the rogues/rangers/paladins gallery!
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.