Heather Clem, Hulk Hogan, Hogan's daughter in a string bikini, and Hogan's son in a house arrest bracelet are sitting at a dinner table with Macho Man. Bubba the Love Sponge is in the doorway.
Bubba: (leaving the room) Alright, you guys do your thing. I'll be in my office if you need me.
Hogan: *belches* Fuck. I just ate. I feel like a pig.
Heather: So, um, Macho Man, do you have a family?
Savage: Nnnnnnot anymorrrre, Heather. Lex Luger stole my sweet Miss Elizabeth from me annnnnd...she's taking a big ol' dirt nap.
Heather: Oh, that's terrible! I had no idea. Hulkster doesn't tell me anything.
Savage: Probably because he tried to steal Elizabeth from me too. Pontiac Silverdome. Ask him about it sometime.
Hulk Hogan is driving the monster truck Bigfoot and Macho Man is in the passenger seat.
Hogan: We should check up on those kids that disappeared around Vince McMahon's limo.
Savage: This is a million dollar dream we're in, Hogan, and DiBiasi didn't put us here. It's all kayfabe we sell to convince ourselves it's a shoot. When it comes down to it, we're all just jobbers waiting for a good gimmick. And that gimmick is convincing ourselves we matter. That our lives mean something. That it's not just selling chest slaps and elbow drops and sucking down oxy.
Hogan: You got oxy?
Savage: Figure of speech.
Hogan: Don't play me like that, brother.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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