I've liked this girl for a really long time, ever since I cheated on my girlfriend with her in December. That was bad of me, but she was nuts and I really liked this other girl. So she was totally into me and we hooked up a few times. We almost got down to the hanky panky once, but she freaked out and basically cut off contact with me. I should also mention that one of my idiot friends approached her at a party and said "haha, you're that girl that SCATTERGUN FUCKED HAHAHAHA" and made everything a thousand times worse. I was pretty broken up. So summer comes around, and she suddenly wants to "patch things up". Okay, I thought. At this point, I am basically thinking this will be my comeback with this chick. But she keeps putting it off. So a week passes and she calls me, yesterday, and says "meet me at the corner store" (we live in the same neighborhood, basically). So we hang out for three hours and just talk and talk. I never really make a pass at her but I flirt with her physically, and she doesn't really seem to mind. But at the same time, I have no idea what to do and for some reason I'm even more depressed about her than I was at any time before. I thought seeing her again would FIX the "one that got away"-itis that I had been having over this girl, but I'm getting a really weird vibe. Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on? What should I do? I'm super confused by this girl.
First date with my now-ex girlfriend (we were together for like, fuck, 3 years), she came over and I offered to cook her dinner, only to open my pantry and realize all I had was macaroni and cheese, and so I uh...made macaroni. From a box. and somehow I fucked it up. And it was the vilest abomination of macaroni I had ever tasted, yet she ate a whole fucking bowl of it to be courteous, and I got shit for it for the next three years about how godawful bad it was. I'm still surprised she ever had sex with me, after that.
Oh well, she' a dirty cheating bitch. Does anyone know a guy named Eric who played drums at CSUN? If you do, please refer me to him so I can cut his fucking face off for fucking my girlfriend.
Two Worlds posted:
No, not goon girls, there were a bunch of hot girls at the Loft, the club we went to. I was in one corner of the electronica room getting my dance on and there were these cute girls dancing right next to me and one was this kind of shy girl with glasses on and I couldn't make up my mind whether or not she liked me. I spent like half an hour trying to get her attention, then finally I steeled up my nerves by taking a shot of rum, walking up to her (actually more like bumping into her, it was a very dark and smoky room)...then I chickened out and yelled "HEY GIRL IN THE BLACK SHIRT I REALLY LIKE YOU!" and ran away. Maybe I got lucky and she didn't speak English
We ALL laughed at each other. I mean, we're people from an Internet forum. Even more than that, we're from an Internet forum in which there is a subforum specifically intended to mock other posters and threads. You know we all came in intending to mentally point out other people "Yup, he's a goon! What a nerd!", stuff like that. Para-whatever (stick guy) is just one example of that. For all I know he's probably having the same reaction right now, or will once he sees all the stuff about him.
And I know the situation I'm in. I know I'm REALLY inexperienced about girls and relationships, especially for a guy my age. I know that right now I don't want to just lose my virginity or something--I want a real relationship. But as you might've figured out already that's a bit harder to come by than just some random rumpy-pumpy. But I am improving myself. I'm improving my fitness and health, and my social life. I'm not going to start checking out a huge laundry list of how, because I don't need to justify myself to fyad. But rest assured that all of this stuff you're saying about me countless people have said to me before, including myself, many times.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Did you know that you only use 10% of your brain? You may have heard that before. But what if you could use 100%? YOU CAN!
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
The Something Awful Forums are, by far, the greatest and most entertaining community on the internet. From the Comedy Goldmine to Photoshop Phriday, our forums are pretty much the lone island refusing to be engulfed by the sea of stupidity that is the internet. While sections like the Comedy Goldmine and Photoshop Phriday showcase the intentionally hilarious forum creations, we've failed to reveal the coin's flip side. The Great Goon Database is a depository of unintentionally amusing Something Awful Forum quotes demonstrating the darker side of SA. Special thanks to Goon "LittleJoe" for collecting and sorting these gems.