Having fun is fun, but it can be hard to have fun when you are socially inept, hostile, and sexually unfulfilled. But becoming well-adjusted can be a hard road, so why bother trying to better yourself when you can just make up an Internet Fetish Subculture you’ll feel right at home in. No more will you be just some anonymous lazy nerd on the Internet, now you can create an entire mythology surrounding your lazy nerdness that includes dressing up as Captain America and strangling yourself while you jack off.

Your First Bold Steps!

"Bamf!"Before you give serious consideration to starting an Internet fetish subculture you need to ask yourself the difficult question of "why am I doing this?" or you will be doomed to failure. If the answer to your question is similar to "I believe I am descended from a great race of aliens that interbred with humans and passed their super powers on to mankind" then you are ready to continue. If you answered with something more like "because I am painfully lonely, seeking acceptance and leading an empty and meaningless existence as an IT professional" then you should not start a new Internet fetish subculture, you should join an existing one. Remember that on the Internet the crazy lead and the pathetic and unloved follow.

The most important step in creating your very own Internet fetish subculture is to create a fetish that seems amusingly improbable to anyone outside your subculture. Your subculture should seem shocking and at the same time should seem a logical extension of some type of childhood neurosis, abuse, or at the very least, born from your inability to function sexually in society on a normal level. Remember that your fetish subculture does not have to be completely unique at this early phase. There are so many of these Internet groups that it would be almost impossible to select a totally unique fetish. You will have the opportunity as your fetish and its subculture progress further to customize it and give it a personal feel.

Just having a fetish is not enough to transform it into an Internet subculture; you have to develop a means that members of this subculture can express themselves on the Internet and share ideas with one another. This is a well beaten path on the Internet and eventually your subculture, if successful, will express itself on the Internet in every possible form. In the meantime select two or three of the following methods to express your new and exciting sexuality.

You will never know the depths of her misery. Pornographic Photos

Pornographic Drawings

Pornographic 3D Renderings

Pornographic Photos Altered With Image Editing Software

Erotic Fan Fiction (subcategories include crossover fan fiction, self-insertion fan fiction, and disturbing non-erotic fan fiction)

Text Based MMORPG (or "MUD")

IRC Chat Room

Costume Play

Arranged Group Meetings

That wasn't so hard, now was it? Don't worry if you felt liking selecting everything from that list, that's just your passion for your wonderful new fetish talking. At first keep it simple and stick to those two or three you have limited yourself to. As membership in your subculture expands, so will the way those members express themselves, and before you know it you'll have some of everything on the list!

Naming the fetish and subculture is the last step in the preliminary work you have to do to get your fetish off the ground. You need to choose something catchy and somewhat light but with a direct relevance to the fetish itself. Bobby already has the name for his fetish subculture selected.

Because he is descended from the interbreeding of a 17th century superhero with a normal woman, Bobby has decided that his Internet fetish subculture is to revolve around superheroes and being superheroes. Since a normal person obviously cannot demonstrate superpowers the primary means of expressing this fetish are through drawings, self-insertion fan fiction, and the IRC chat room "#heroplay". Because spandex plays an important role in drawings and fiction related to the fetish Bobby has decided to call people involved in the subculture "Spandies".

Great, so Bobby wants to create his own subculture of superheroes trapped in normal fat nerd's bodies. He's off to a good start by selecting his means of expression, but now it's time to begin to individualize this fetish and distinguish it from the hundreds of other superhero related fetishes out there.

More Guides

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fandangling Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'

  • Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    Enter: the Lead Loremaster

    I've been wanting to meet you all for the past few weeks, but I guess I cut an intimidating figure. I'm the new guy, with the cool job you've all surely been gossiping about. Yep, I'm the Lead Loremaster, and I'm here to enrich everything we do with much-needed lore.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.