Obey Xogoth! Zack: Think of calming things. Think of…a balloon full of brains exploding over a field of maggoty corpses.
Zack: Imagine an old rotting galleon sailing a black ocean and on the ship there is a crew of skeletons and they all turn at once to look at you and puke up chunky black blood.
Ansel89: thats not helping
Zack: Okay, try this, try a beautiful woman naked in front of you. She has huge breasts with big pink nipples and smooth tanned skin and curvy hips. She smiles and then her face starts shrinking up like a death raisin and her skin falls off in big wallpapery sheets and you can see her muscle moving underneath. Then snakes come out of her eye sockets and then start biting her body and you can hear a cackling laugh.
Ansel89: uhhhh alrigh mana focused I guess
Zack: Good. Now concentrate very murderously.
Ansel89: ok smells like applpie
Zack: Concentrate! Repeat aloud everything I type.
Zack: Triple Ripple Swirl of Boundless Hate, Xogoth!
Ansel89: triple ripple sw irl of bondless hate xogoth!!
Zack: No, just say "ok" after you've said each part out loud.
Zack: Wait! You didn't say that part out loud, did you?
Zack: Alright, good, continue the incantation: Xogoth! I beseech unto your mega raped palace of rotflesh and livid tortured tissue!
Zack: Reach into your meaty purse of the ages and draw out the skincoin of Sal!
Zack: Xogoth! I implore you with this sacrifice to wrench his agony filled soul from the beyond!
Zack: Now slit the throat of the sacrifice and hold her neck so that her blood fills the Ognostimaeous chalice!
Zack: The sacrifice man, quickly!
Ansel89: no sacrifice1!!!!!
Zack: You must! I can hear the tremors of Xogoth's approach! He is drawing near!
Ansel89: dude you didnt say sacrifice
Zack: Oh Hated Gods, quickly Ansel!
Ansel89: i got nothing
Zack: I can feel his unquenchable bloodlust gripping me! My blood is raging! My blood-filled organs are shaking! Ansel….he…is…………nnnnn
Ansel89: wtf dude u there???
Ansel89: u ok?
Zack: I am satiated. For now.
Ansel89: did xerox leave
Zack: Ha. Ha. Ha. I am Xogoth. I can smell your fear through the pitiful meat machines. I will rend your bones!
Ansel89: NOT FUN Y!
Zack: Ha. Ha. Ha. I'm coming for you, Ansel. Your Yankee Candle will not save you!
Ansel89: WTF how did you know??!
Zack: Your blood is like a juice box to me! Your fear like a parade stopping traffic! I will dine on your deepest guts before I am through with you!
****User Has Disconnected
Zack: Ha. Ha. Ha.
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.