Contact lenses denote evil. Zack: He attended the ceremony.
Ansel89: I havn't seen him in year what's he up to?
Zack: Ansel, don't you remember?
Zack: With the curved scimitar of the Djinn you cut off his head. It was your final act to join MURDERCHURCH. The blood sacrifice of a close friend.
Zack: I'm not joking Ansel.
Ansel89: ok i dont believe you
Zack: Ansel, do you believe…in direst magic?
Zack: what about bleak goblins?
Ansel89: I believe in phsychics like Yori Gellar
Zack: Yes, yes, psychic powers are closely intertwined with black sorcery and wicked goblins.
Ansel89: seriously how do you know sal
Zack: I can hear Sal clamoring at the rust-faced gates of the forlorn abyss, Ansel. If you wish to speak to him, you will need to do as I say as quickly as you can.
Ansel89: uhhh ok
Zack: Do you have a black candle?
Zack: How about a red one?
Ansel89: let me check bathroom
Ansel89: ok its kind of greenish white and it say apple crips on the side
Zack: Yes! That will do nicely. That will appease the wraiths that guard the gates of the abyss.
Ansel89: ok light it?
Zack: Yes. As you light it say aloud "Oh, Xogoth, I light this sinister flame to represent the hatefire that burns within your bloody entrails. May the Stargods of Ye Olde Tymes show the way to the gory filth-abyss that waits beyond the door of death."
Ansel89: r ead it out?
Zack: Yes. Be sure to pronounce "Ye Olde Tymes" as "yeh oooldie thimes."
Ansel89: ok candle is lit 2
Zack: Alright, this next step is very important, Ansel, so you need to focus your mana.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
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