Contact lenses denote evil. Zack: He attended the ceremony.
Ansel89: I havn't seen him in year what's he up to?
Zack: Ansel, don't you remember?
Zack: With the curved scimitar of the Djinn you cut off his head. It was your final act to join MURDERCHURCH. The blood sacrifice of a close friend.
Zack: I'm not joking Ansel.
Ansel89: ok i dont believe you
Zack: Ansel, do you believe…in direst magic?
Zack: what about bleak goblins?
Ansel89: I believe in phsychics like Yori Gellar
Zack: Yes, yes, psychic powers are closely intertwined with black sorcery and wicked goblins.
Ansel89: seriously how do you know sal
Zack: I can hear Sal clamoring at the rust-faced gates of the forlorn abyss, Ansel. If you wish to speak to him, you will need to do as I say as quickly as you can.
Ansel89: uhhh ok
Zack: Do you have a black candle?
Zack: How about a red one?
Ansel89: let me check bathroom
Ansel89: ok its kind of greenish white and it say apple crips on the side
Zack: Yes! That will do nicely. That will appease the wraiths that guard the gates of the abyss.
Ansel89: ok light it?
Zack: Yes. As you light it say aloud "Oh, Xogoth, I light this sinister flame to represent the hatefire that burns within your bloody entrails. May the Stargods of Ye Olde Tymes show the way to the gory filth-abyss that waits beyond the door of death."
Ansel89: r ead it out?
Zack: Yes. Be sure to pronounce "Ye Olde Tymes" as "yeh oooldie thimes."
Ansel89: ok candle is lit 2
Zack: Alright, this next step is very important, Ansel, so you need to focus your mana.
Marvel Studios President Kevin Feige lays out the plan for Marvel launching a movie based around a female super hero's ass.
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Our Something Awful ICQ pranks target the worst and most idiotic folks on the Internet. Believe it or not, these ICQ pranks are all - unfortunately - real.