Mr. Crabs took the further, unwarranted-yet-totally-awesome steps of creating a .rar file and packing it full of amazing goods just for Victor N. King! If you feel slightly jealous, which I can completely understand, feel free to grab yourself a copy by downloading Leonard's package for yourself.
Among other items, Leonard provided Victor N. King with a copy of his latest commercial, which Mr. Crabs wrote, directed, and edited all by himself (with a bit of help from several bottles of perscription medication which may or may not be written in his name). If you're allergic to .rar files, I'll embed this beauty for you right here.
I have not yet heard back from Victor N. King or the Jones Soda Co., so I can only assume they've been spending all their free time watching a neverending loop of Leonard's enchanting commercial. Again, this is where the perscription medication comes in. For a corporation portraying themselves as the little guy, Jones Soda seems more than willing to unleash their lawyers just as fast as larger business rivals. I can only hope and pray Leonard's breathtaking .rar file of justice results in yet another Something Awful legal victory, one which produces a new flavor of Jones Soda. How does "Legal Lemon" sound? Or maybe "Lawsuit Lime?" Oh screw it, let's aim for "Tremendous Asshole Attorney Orange."
I was betrayed by the bernio bros, the cougars, and this guy from back page I hired to keep me from jumping out a window at the DNC.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Many people love to threaten to sue us. Luckily we have both Leonard "J." Crabs and common sense on our side, thus enabling us to easily defeat such trivialities. Remember - when you're on the Internet, you can threaten to sue for anything!