Hydrogen: We were going to make fun of him for pretending to safecrack a washing machine, but somehow that seems totally mundane and realistic compared to everything else in that clip.

Trillaphon: Well, he might be the most insulting caricature of an Italian since that one cartoon depicting earthquake victims as lasagna, but damn if he doesn’t get those test tubes gleaming. Actually, considering how shitty he is at literally everything else in the world, he probably doesn’t.

Hydrogen: I wonder what kinds of outrageous lies he had to fill his resume with for them to still want to hire him after actually meeting him.

Hydrogen: “Hm, says here he has 12 different kinds of PhDs, which seems a little unusual for a janitor, but he also won the Nobel Prize for Unclogging Toilets, so who are we to argue?”

Trillaphon: “Wow, he single-handedly invented the mop, the slop bucket, the plunger, and that puke sawdust stuff, and he once cleaned a laboratory so well he accidentally erased all scientific evidence that vaccines cause autism!”

Hydrogen: The sad part is these “scientists” are so goddamn dumb they would actually believe every word of that. Everyone who works in that lab should have the opposite of top-secret security clearance. They should need the approval and supervision of a state or military official before they’re allowed to talk to strangers about anything.

Trillaphon: Or better yet, just not be allowed to talk to anyone, ever. Fuck, the dialogue in this movie is more painful than trying to pass a kidney stone the size of the Hope diamond while standing in a kiddie pool full of piranhas.

Hydrogen: We should go do that instead of watching any more clips of this bullshit.

Plot-8
Acting-10
Special Effects-9
Directing-9
Music / Sound-8
Overall-44/50

– Garrett "Hydrogen" Neil and Sean "Trillaphon" Neil (@trillaphon)

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