Hydrogen: Taking romantic advice from that guy seems kind of like asking Michael Cera for bodybuilding tips.
Trillaphon: Either way somebody's going to end up popping a major artery like a Capri Sun bag and having uncontrollable sobbing issues for the rest of their lives. At this rate I'm guessing it'll probably be me.
Hydrogen: Recon 2024: The Capri Sun Massacre.
Hydrogen: "Hey, my name's First Base, I got that name for being a virgin manchild but even though I touched a boob since then I can't seem to shake it. Do you think it's because I introduce myself as 'First Base' to every single person I fucking meet?"
Trillaphon: Craigslist > Gauda > Personals > 38 y/o virgin/pathological masturbator seeks deeply broken self-hating wingman for nsa vascular hetero locker room banter/nasty pump sesh, ps no fatties/no homo 420 tiki friendly mahalo hoorah ;).
Hydrogen: If I ever start to act or speak even remotely like any of these characters, you need to promise to kill me swiftly and mercilessly.
Trillaphon: Oh in that case I'd do it whether you asked me to or not; shit, after 3 of these movies I'm surprised we haven't both already turned into Lance Corporal Hodor back there drooling and beating his fists/face against the wall.
Hydrogen: Oh there's still time for that.
This Week on Something Awful...
Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Let's improve landmarks
Landmarks and statues around the world: old, boring and could use an update.
Make Horror Wholesome
Join the SA Forum photoshop goons in their quest to make horror wholesome!
Every Conceivable Way EA Could Screw Up Star Wars: Squadrons
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About This Column
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.