Trillaphon: Goddamn, that guy went Full Glover on us out of nowhere.
Hydrogen: He's the epitome of Bad Movie Cardinal Sin #5: casting your one zany buddy because everyone in your circle of friends thinks he's so hilarious and should be in the movies. He is not, and you are wrong. Do not put him in front of a fucking camera, idiot.
Trillaphon: I think everyone in this entire movie is the epitome of that. Except the fat unwashed virgin zombies, they're actually hilarious.
Hydrogen: So did he call her a "glumpcunt", or did I just have a stroke halfway through that clip? Is that even a word?
Trillaphon: The random unlikely two word edgy insult generator 9000 really did a good job writing this movie and its transcendently bad dialogue. "Glumpcunt", "Fuckclown", "Gashtickler," "Jugg Fucklers"...normal, sane people would have to brainstorm for hours to come up with anything approaching th-
Hydrogen: PEEL THIS, CUNTPICKLE!
Trillaphon: TASTE ON THESE, BUNG GUZZLER
Hydrogen: INSUFFLATE THAT, FUCK KNUCKLE!
Trillaphon: SUCKLE ON THIS, BUTT SMUGGLERS!
Hydrogen: Hey now, "butt smuggler" is a superb insult which doesn't belong anywhere near this movie.
Trillaphon: All I know is that the director's near-sighted grandma is going to be mad when she finds out he stole her TV remote, spray-painted it silver and glued it to a wall.
Trillaphon: The chubbo zombie rush is still my favorite part I think. It's like a power metal video, except with even more virgins.
Hydrogen: TALKING GUN SAYS: YOU'RE OUT OF AMMO! SHH, DON'T TELL THE BAD GUYS!
Trillaphon: Something something only outlaws will have talking guns, which of course would solve/erase all crime forever because they'd lose every shoot-fight.
‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.
Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.
No lifeguard on duty. Maze run at your own risk.
Something Awful reviews the absolute worst movies out there. We focus mostly on horror and science fiction, because all writers here on Something Awful are huge nerds.