We Caught this broad hanging out outside one of the whale tanks and she was lookin hott!! I could tell she had only one thing on her mind. My man Che started to spit game and she was givin off major signs so we knew we were onto something. Just then they came on over the speakers and said it was time for the orcas. Holey crap!!!! Have you ever seen a whale that big.... and doing tricks??? We were all mesmerized.. It was doeing hella jumps and everything and totally paying attention to the trainer guys. Then they came back on the speakers and were like "These big guys eat about 600 million pounds of food every day" or whatever. I don't remember but it was a really big number and I got splashed 4 times and I got to pet the beast while (...)
What the heck?? We just met up with this whore and let me tell you something.. latinas are crazy!! Check it we got settled in and Rod was getting ready to lay down his trademark pipe if you Know what I'm saying, but then the bitch starts goin crazy about "INSECTOS" so we were like .... whats she on about... and we look behind the seat and there's a bunch of scary ass bugs that looked like huge 3-inch roaches and a big sickly cat lying right in the middle of the action like Jabba the hutt!! It was just lookin at us and hissing and growling. Jeff was looking at it and he was talking some crap about how they seem to have a symbiotic relationship or whatever, the cat and the bugs. Yeah right ok man where did the girl go... "Shes long gone down the street (...)
We all know how special it is when you see someone riding a horse through town. Its pretty wild to just be sitting having lunch and just maxin and relaxin and BOOM there goes a chick on a horse. Why the heck is she driving it through town?? Where does she think she's gonna park that thing??? Has she ever had 9 huge inches??? Well I was set to find out. I grabbed the cam and ran out (...)
When Janet walked in first thing I noticed were her glasses but they only distracted me for a moment as I was like whoa because turns out this babe had scabs out the wazoo. Big ones small ones, you name it her arms were full of scabs. I asked what happened and she said it was birds. "Well" I said "Can I Have A Peck..." get it?? She was soo cute but I got a little particle of something brownish red in my mouth from her kiss. I saw on her arm where one of her scabs had been torn off I put 2 and 2 together (...)
This fine specimen (or speciwoman...) was hanging out outside one of the bars downtown and we knew we had to get her in the van!! She was lookin ready to go like her man just ditched her or whatever, and we just got done watching Breakin' 2, so Ernie decided to backflip all the way on the walk up to this girl. Lets just say that on the first flip he must have jumped off some slippery gravel or something because he only got 3/4 of the way flipped and ended up hitting his jaw on the pavement pretty hard in full view of our girl. He tried it again and messed up even worse, slamming his head into the concrete. It took him a couple seconds to stand up under his own power but his bloody, scraped face finally gave Lucy an eager but exhausted glare. At this point she was probably still horny, but we decided (...)
This chick was looking fine walking her dog through the neighborhood, shakin her body the whole way. Luckily my man Charles is all prepared for this situation. He suited up and headed out and went straight for the big guns. "Hey sweetheart, the names Charles. Tell me your deepest, darkest secret." She didn't fall for it and hit back with a "No, what's yours?" and Charles went "Well, first of all, I believe in love at first sight..." "Go on," she smiled. "Oh, uh, let's see. I have 2 different names, I feel like my arms are so big that they are amusing, I sometimes take shallow baths so that I may pee directly upward and back down onto my chest, and (...)
Ernest Cline, writer of Ready Player One, shares his newest poem.
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