This article is part of the BarkWire.com series.
Posted by DogDreamer 5 hours ago
If you ask me, Barnacle's pawprints are all over this. Not like his owner, MAYOR COBB, would ever punish him for such a thing. I'm still furious over the miscarriage of justice that happened to Artie after the 2012 elections.
Posted by TreatGuy 5 hours ago
If anybody would commit a murder, it would be the Barquis de Sade. That dog has a lust for evil that's only growing more wicked by the day. And guess what? He was there at the park performing his usual disgusting acts. From this point on, I'm bringing a gun to the park so I can start shooting all the dogs I don't like.
Posted by Harold 4 hours ago
Had clear view of Hope from my van and was recording. Even managed to mic Corn, but then some idiots blocked my shot by lining up for the drinking fountain and wouldn't move. What kind of idiots just stand there for 30 minutes drinking from a fountain, ignoring a horrible dog fight behind them? So many screwed up loonies in this town.
I can't be for sure, but there's no way this wasn't Meathook. His scent marks every bad deed in town, and he's been running wild since the Elmwood Park Massacre. With Senator gone, he's got no real competition anymore. And Meathook was here today. I'm sick of him sniffing up and intimidating innocent dogs. He was here, so he did it.
Posted by Angelic_Groomer 3 hours ago
Ozark was there, too. It can't be a coincidence that Shaggy Butte's most notorious hermit makes his first-ever appearance at the dog park the same day a tragedy occurs? There's not a more sketchy dog in all of Shaggy Butte... and those dreadlocks... so gross. He used to be Scrappers' pal years ago, and we all know Scrappers' disgusting bloodline.
Posted by BigDog 2 hours ago
Meathook? Heh. Of course he was there. He's everywhere. Not like you can escape him these days. Practically everyone was there if you were paying attention: Hazard, Thriller, Ozark, Nectar, Ambrosia, Blue Yonder, Gossip, Corn, Barnacle, Caribe, the Barquis de Sade, Whoops, that traitor Cleaver and about a dozen other C-list dogs. And guess what, bozos: every one of them had motive one way or another... well, except for Corn. I'm surprised that dog has motive to breathe. But he was there, and maybe he accidentally sat on Hope. You buffoons were all so quick to declare her the Darling Dog of Shaggy Butte you missed the double life she was leading.
Let's be honest. Hope was as overrated as they come. Probably the most overrated dog since Lassie. She was a sad excuse for a Darling Dog, especially compared to all-time greats like Promise, Noir, Wagatha Frisky and Trinket. Those were dogs with real charisma and charm. Hope was a harlot and every decent dogger knows she's taken half the hounds in town for a ride.
Deal with it.
Posted by Doctor Dog 1 hour ago.
I just got off the phone with the vet where they took Hope. I don't know how to say this, but they said Hope was pregnant when she died. About two weeks along from the looks of it. That means... just before her family went on vacation. No wonder all the male dogs were in a frenzy. They could smell it.
Wish we could know for sure who the father was, but the vet says they don't have the budget to DNA test all the dogs in town, which is a shame. I don't get why so many people voted down the municipal dog DNA database ballot measure. We need it for situations like this... we have a killer on the loose, for Pete's sake!
I think I'm going to be sick.
We've found some cool stuff in the woods. Now it's time for you to pinkie swear you won't tell mom and dad.
There's a Brainiac. He's not THE Brainiac. However, he's one aspect of Brainiac. Or maybe there's supposed to be a different Brainiac in every universe and they're all cosmically connected, presumably via their brains. Either way, I think this particular Brainiac is the boss Brainiac.
I highly recommend Windows 10 With Mouse + Keyboard Support Edition
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
The seedy canine underworld of Shaggy Butte is explored in this hard-hitting series combining obsessive pet fanatics and crowd-sourced internet reviews.