#1 Export "A"s
A real treat to suck into your lungs. These inexpensive Canadian classics have mounted a big comeback in recent years, and although the Canadian packaging can be a bit much, a practiced smoker knows to stash his pipes in a travel tin. Cloying smoke will tint everything it touches with golden slime. Great for stunts. The more you smoke, the better the linger; a rich, coal miner musk with just a hint of crematorium dust. A bit of a hard suck on the filters thanks to Canadian regulations, which makes the As prime candidates for snip and clips (see our March 2012 issue for that). We give the Export As a big A+.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.