New neighbors

11:17 AM, November 30, 2007

Some new neighbors started moving in next door. I didn't even know that apartment was available. I could have sworn my old neighbors were still living there yesterday. The new neighbors? Clowns. All of them. A whole family of clowns. They smiled at me when I went to get the mail, but that's kind of what they do all the time. I didn't smile back, I didn't even acknowledge them.

I was walking back and one of them was struggling to move a large trampoline all by himself. He motioned for me to come over and help and I did, albeit reluctantly. I don't know how we got that thing through the door, but we did. It's kind of weird. I mean that's all the furniture they have in the living room. The ceilings aren't very high so I don't see how they are going to really use it. They had a bunch of funhouse mirrors sitting around, mostly leaning against the walls since they were still unpacking. For some reason the house was filled with balloons.

I got the hell out of there really fast when he went and pulled a cream pie out of a box. No way was I staying for a snack.

So far they are keeping to themselves, but I hear a lot of honking sounds coming through the walls. I hope they don't do that late at night.

Filed under: weird, apartment. 0 Comments posted.

More clowns on the bus...

3:20 PM, November 30, 2007

I took the bus downtown today and there were like twenty clowns on the damn thing. I think there were like five non-clowns, counting myself, and none of the others seemed to notice. A clown tried to sit next to me, but I wasn't having any of it, especially since he was holding a cream pie in his hands. I was a total dick to the guy, but he just went and sat next to some businessman instead, who didn't seem to care. As soon as the bus driver hit the brakes, the clown "accidentally" launched the pie right into the businessman's face.

Yeah, I didn't see that coming at all.

I was going to take the bus back but it was swerving like crazy as it approached the stop, and when I saw a clown was driving, I just decided to walk home. Plus there were probably like 100 clowns inside that damn thing, and about 30 more on the roof. One of the guys on the bus looked like that businessman who was hit by a pie, except he was totally a clown now. Was the joke really that funny to him that he decided to change his life?

On the way back, there were CLOWNS EVERYWHERE. Scariest walk I've ever taken. I kept looking over my shoulder and giving them as much space as possible. Half of them were carrying rubber chickens and pies and balloons and looking at me like I was some giant piece of meat.

Filed under: weird. 0 Comments posted.

Ron Paul 2008

7:26 PM, November 30, 2007

Just wanted to say a few things about Ron Paul. Love the guy, seems like a definite winner and what this country needs. He has my vote.

Seriously, Google the guy and see what he's all about.

Filed under: opinions, politics. 0 Comments posted.

Oil change

12:42 PM, December 1, 2007

Finally went to get the oil changed today. Figured I'd better do that since the bus was getting too creepy.

I got stuck behind some ridiculously small clown car. They did the whole "how many clowns can they fit in there" gag, which took like 10 minutes. Honestly, I could see the clowns sneaking around the front of the car, getting back in, and then climbing out again. That joke doesn't even begin to work when you can see them cheating. The oil change guys didn't seem to notice or care, but it sure irked me because all that clowning around added like twenty minutes to my wait.

I made sure to stand outside since they were taking up the whole waiting area. I hope this crap doesn't keep up.

Filed under: weird, my car. 0 Comments posted.

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Get In The God Dang Weight Room, Johnny Manziel!

    Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.

  • Helping Your Real Friends Move

    Helping Your Real Friends Move

    A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.