ID 421008112 Bird, Sparrow

AKA - Reginald Chirpsquick, Clavo Mike-Mike the Don of B Block, Peepin Lando Luscious Gushes, Captain Jacking Sparrow, Deathspy, That Bad Bird, Spirit Swallower, B'kwon the Beak Don with tha Beak Locked on B Block, Ghost Guff, Silly Serpent the Clavo Candleman, American Birdwolf in B Block, Fade Bird.

Crime - Physical Intrusion, Veil Skipping, Mind Talking, Omen Illing, Criminal Pestery.

Sparrow's Last Meal: Confined by wards and dust shackles, the interloper was not given a meal during the three days of its incarceration. Kirlian imaging produced maddening fractals and symbols that had to be destroyed by Force Containment Teams. Mass hypnosis of all attending correctional employees helped to limit the number of aneurysms. Several times the interloper projected glowing images of unspeakable monsters, but these phantasms were dispelled by a safety canticle from DOBS Theleman Support.

Sparrow's Last Words: Like all things truly evil, the interloper's lies were not recorded to dictograph and his image was scrubbed from all monitoring equipment immediately after the sentence was carried out. Several supervising correctional employees have been placed on monitored psychiatric leave at the Odessa Magnetic Sanitarium.

Sentence carried out, 10:61 PM, December 20th, 2007. Sparrow Bird's remains were destroyed atomically in the warded hyperclave.


We hope you enjoyed this sample from Last Meals / Last Words. Happy Holidays from Chairman Petteridge and the rest of the Board of Directors at North American Panopticon.


– Zack "Geist Editor" Parsons (@sexyfacts4u)

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.