The countryside looked beautiful as you sped down the highway and it continued looking beautiful at a complete standstill as you pull the vehicle off the side of the road. Probably should have checked the fuel gage before starting a road trip. Unsure of what to do you set a few flares down in the road because it is what you see other cars do. You wait for a few hours before shooting a flare into the air, more out of boredom than desperation. Why does your mother have a flare gun in her Geo Tracker? Too late to ask now. The flames diminish as they fall to the ground. You slump over in your seat, bored out of your mind before noticing a man covered in tattoos and wearing an orange prison suit walking out of the woods.



Stay in Car

More Front Page News

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Advanced Level Sexy Catcalls

    Hows about you, me, and five uncomfortable minutes in my basement apartment next to the dusty Christmas tree that's still up from my last visit with my estranged children.

  • Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    Zagat's Guide to Poor Person Eating

    The Upper Kitchen Cabinet Where Your Roommate Keeps His Food: You’ll 'need the footstool' to reach your roommate’s 'fine selection' of 'stale cereal,' but he'll never notice if 'only a little is missing from each box.' Feel less guilty by reminding yourself that Jeff 'acts weird around your girlfriend,' and always 'asks about her.' What a 'creep.'

Copyright ©2015 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.