You'd rather be exhausted from bike riding than dig around your mother's pant pockets. Probably a good decision. You pull the bike out and open the garage door only to hear Hotel California blaring from the car. Looks like your mom left it running all night long.
You hop in the car. Looks like things are turning around. While wooting at your good luck you notice that your breath still smells like the Cool Ranch Doritos from last night. You contemplate making an important decision in which your path could go either way, but decide that there is no time for brushing your teeth today. Instead, you pull the car out of the garage and start off down the road. A great journey is about to start.
The treacherous New England Patriots are guilty of deflating their footballs. We must punish them severely in the name of holy retribution. This transgression has been the biggest headline in the United States for an entire week, and it should be the primary concern of all nations.
We have used extensive market research to determine the average consumers of America's favorite rolls of caramel-oozing choco cysts.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.