You wipe the vomit off with her jacket before leaning in for another attempt begin rummaging through her pockets, carefully navigating through her skin-tight denim.
The first pocket was fruitless, the second too. Now you slide your fingers into her back pocket. You feel the keys. Your senses are numb, your fingers are tingling. You are so close. You grab the Winnie the Pooh key chain and slowly start pulling. You get the key chain out, but the keys are tightly wedged in her too-tight jean shorts. You dig your fingers in one last time in an attempt to free them as your mother mumbles the name of a man you have never met. She giggles and turns around, only to see her son, not the hand of a past love, groping her ass.
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
Elliot said my breakup must have been due to the sweater curse, an unexplained phenomenon where anyone who gives their significant other a hand-knit sweater gets dumped. The only way to break the curse, Elliot said, was to destroy the sweater.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.