The clock hits him in the face, and he falls over. Blood flows out of his mouth and into his patchy facial hair. You shove his limp body out of the way and grab the paper. It's five pages, one more than necessary. Nerd Jacobs is truly magnificent. His power is so great that you regret your decision. What if he wakes up? He will curse you forever, and he will never help you with antivirus things ever again. Should you make sure that he never wakes again?
Welcome to Gamer Hell, where those who committed sins in online games must pay for their crimes against noobs for eternity.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sworn to personally investigate the murder of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov. In fact, Putin plans to use his expertise to solve most major crimes.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.