The clock hits him in the face, and he falls over. Blood flows out of his mouth and into his patchy facial hair. You shove his limp body out of the way and grab the paper. It's five pages, one more than necessary. Nerd Jacobs is truly magnificent. His power is so great that you regret your decision. What if he wakes up? He will curse you forever, and he will never help you with antivirus things ever again. Should you make sure that he never wakes again?
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.