Worthless DadYou go check out the old lady, and, get this, she's hurt. She's crying about needing help and calling 911, says her daughter is in the car, but who knows? Who cares? You aren't planning on crawling into her filthy piece of shit. You tell her to be quiet for a second while you call your dad on your iPhone. It's peak time, so you keep losing the call, but you get the picture: he won't represent you in court. Thanks dad. Why be a lawyer if you can't help your son? Douche bag.
You start walking away, but a pig comes up and starts bothering you, and in, like, ten minutes, he has you in handcuffs. Looks like you won't get your paper finished, but it isn't your fault. It's just the Man holding you down.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.